


Yet Unnamed

by adamparrishisbi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Everyone is Queer, F/F, Gen, I have no idea what I'm doing tbh, LGBT characters, Lots of characters to keep track of, Multi, Other, like so many, probably eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamparrishisbi/pseuds/adamparrishisbi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a Tumblr post about "if the signs were in a girlband" </p>
<p>"At the very core this is a story about love, but I know you won't see that. You won't see anything other than the story of why we named this album what we did. Really though this is more than a plea not to change it. This is a plea to find love, where you don't expect it, in ways you don't expect it, and from people you don't expect. Because isn't that what life's about, love? And isn't love about being unexpected? I'm writing this to tell you, on behalf of everyone, we learned more writing, producing, and promoting "Captains" than you ever taught us. Nothing is going to make us change the name. Therefore we formally invite you to go fuck yourself. Thank you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All These Things That I've Done

**Author's Note:**

> The entire story is a letter. Some chapters are supplemental letters from other band members. 
> 
> The name really is "Yet Unnamed" but that might change a little.

From The Desk of Kau Zervos  
April 2016

_To understand everything you really need to start right now. I don't have time to tell you the backstory, I bet you can figure it out anyway._

She had one of those smiles that made you fall in love so hard it was physically painful. Which was definitely why she was the one who's smiling face plastered trashy teen magazines captioned "the next big heartthrob?" and "better than the girl next door" Cam Lewis was not only the frontwoman of a 12 girl band, but everyone's favorite. Especially mine. Who am I you ask? The one everyone hates. Especially me. I blame part of it to my position in the band. Everyone loves the frontwoman, the drummer is always the bad girl, everyone thinks the bassist is sexy, and the guitarist is adorable. That's the core of every girlband. The golden 4. Then there are backups, one on guitar and a chorus of 3 singing. We're cool and we have a keyboardist. At this point these are harder positions to name "who's your favorite?!" Is rarely met with "the shortest backup singer." Then we get weird, a trombone and a cello. At least the trombonist is really hot. Then there's me. I'm auxiliary, which is a fancy way of saying I do all the odds and ends. Triangle? Cymbals? Cowbell? Tambourine? Saw-violin? Anything extra you might need to complete the song, that we can't synthesize on keyboard and I'm your girl. But no ones fave is "the cowbell/cymbal/standing chimes/accordionist" I also blame my name, while "Cam Lewis" sounds like a girl who went to Oxford, and summered in Cancun, Kau Zervos looks awkward and maybe hard to pronounce. Sealing my fate as least favorite was my sarcastic personality and generally asocial behavior. I'm pretty sure I was hated as much as Cam was loved. 

"Kau we have an interview coming up do you have everything in check? I don't want a repeat of last time." Mary.  
While the golden 4 had all gone to highschool in the same class, Shan (the keyboardist) and I were in a different class than them, still the same school, and the four backups had come from the industry; Mary and Riki had been picked up from a symphony. As a result they were older than us by a few years, and thought they were more adult. Even though they were best friends Mary and Riki's ideas of what defined being more adult, were polar opposite. Mary was the quintessential Mom friend, keeping the band members in line, off the streets, and out of strangers sheets. Riki on the other hand, focused more on being the stranger in the sheets for as many people as possible.  
At the time being Mary was trying to minimize the damage control management would have to do after the interview. When you have 12 band members interviews are always a bundle of catastrophe. Pre-interview rituals mainly centered around the three backup singers: making sure Dinah didn't talk, (her schizophrenia was normally controlled by antipsychotics, with the exception of her voice, but interviews tended to increase her anxiety and cause her to start babbling again) Charlotte's interesting sound bites weren't damning, (after accidentally admitting none of them knew where Thea went last night, only that she returned with blue hair and a dopey smile, someone was always assigned to be Charlotte's handler to make sure she didn't anxiously spill the wrong details) and Thea didn't walk off (she had a tendency to just slip away unnoticed.) There was also the "Kau don't alienate the audience/Arya (backup guitar) don't get cocky" talk, and the "okay, so Shaula (bass) knows what to say to get the fans going, but Piper (drums) needs to keep her in line, please let this end well" prayer. 

"Well right now we're almost done with the pre-release work for Captains. I think we're looking at a summer release." Cam beamed at the camera.  
"That means fall touring!!" Leia Gould was the unproblematic fave, lead guitarist, and golden 4 sweetheart, puppy dog brown eyes and short swishy hair that shook endearingly when she laughed.  
"Ooh spooky, Halloween tour" Piper cooed seductively at the host, as she moved to poke Shaula in the ribs. She jumped a bit, letting out a small squeak before settling back into the interview routine.  
"And boy have we got some surprises for you!" Shaula raised her eyebrows at the camera, and the studio audience went wild.  
"While you girls are talking about the subject of Captains, tell me about the name." The host steered the girls towards the next point on the bulleted lists Mary had distributed.  
"That's actually an interesting story. We'd all been working on songs for this album independently, and I wrote one about the boy I was dating at the time. Arya mentioned that all of the songs on the album so far were about people." Cam paused for Shaula to take over.  
"So we did this thing where we all wrote down who we'd written a song about and put the names in a hat. At that point five of the songs hadn't yet been written. I think it was Riki who read the names?" Everyone knew Riki read the names, this was just a segue.  
"Yeah I read the names, they ranged from Cam's boyfriend, to Shan's best friend from back home, to John Lennon, to Cam herself. And the one thing I didn't know was what these people all had in common." Shaula and Riki already had the audience going, but saying one of the songs was written about Cam Lewis drove them over the edge. I was supposed to speak next, which would calm them down.  
"They were our captains. I'd been really inspired by this song, and its has a line about how the captain of the ship stays fast with it. And so it clicked for me, because the person I wrote my song about was my captain. They steer me, they control me. And I can hope that they'd stay fast with me." I was really hoping the camera wasn't picking up the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.  
"It was too perfect. This was the album for our captains. We had to name it that" Cam finished off, making sure the audience wouldn't hate the name.  
"So Cam, your song is about your boyfriend?" The host is going off track and into crisis. Cam tenses, but laughs it off, with her physically painful smile.  
"Turns out he wasn't the Captain. He was a rat who jumped off what he saw as a sinking ship." Silence. Then straight back to crisis.  
"And one of these songs was about you? The ones I've heard are all pretty romantic..."  
"Not all of the songs are about romance, and I think we should seriously look at where we draw the line between platonic and romantic at." Shan saves the day. Her song was about her best friend, so it makes sense. But no one expects Charlotte to chose this moment for a random sound bite, and actually save the day.  
"We write love songs. We always have. Always will. We believe in love. But that doesn't mean it's all romantic. On the last album there was an a cappella one that Dinah, Thea, Cam, and I co-wrote that's about our Moms. We got Kau to do this really incredible intro and outro on the harp, and it's a really beautiful song. It's a love song. But it's not about romantic love." It was a really beautiful song. I remember doing harp for it, and the one time we played it on tour, a Mother's Day gift. The harp's sounds were uploaded onto Shan's synth, and I played the intro and outro from there. Everyone cried when we played the song. It was beautiful in ways that this world doesn't hear. Charlotte sang the main line, and Thea harmonized in attic falsettos that sounded like a siren song. Cam kept a rhythmic beat in the lower tenor ranges. And then there was Dinah, who can harmonize herself. Her voice is raspy and uneven, and when she holds a note it sounds like far off words in a different language sometimes. When the band is cut down to just the four singers this becomes really apparent, as Dinah sang around the melody Charlotte laid out, building on Cam's beat and scaffolding Thea's harmony.  
Somewhere in nostalgia I must have lost track of time because Piper is all but bodychecking me trying to nudge me off set. 

***  
It's later when we're sitting in the break room of the studio talking that I manage to thank Shan. Cam stepped out to talk to Piper and Mary about something down the hall when I have enough confidence to say it.  
"Hey, Shan, thanks for steering them away from questions about the song I wrote. That wouldn't have ended well." I inhale sharply and wait for someone to connect the dots.  
"Woah you wrote the one about Cam? I mean we could all tell it was about her, you mentioned stupid details only we know, but no one could figure out who wrote it. That's like, an intense lovesong. Like that's some serious heartbreak there." Riki broke the illusion. Everyone knows what I meant now.  
"I know. That's why I did it. Also I don't want my best friend to think that I think of her as something other than platonic, and the song could easily be read that way. I don't want that wrench in our relationship. I figured I could save your ass and then make sure mine was safe too all in one fell swoop." Shan's response is not what I was anticipating at all. What does she mean she knew?  
"And you dropped some serious trust bombs on the way." Charlotte chimes in but I barely hear it, still processing the last comment.  
"Wait did you all know I wrote Cam's song?"  
"Well those three don't." Shan gestures to the door in reference to the people not here.  
"I didn't know before, and neither does any of the PR, management, or label people." Leia nonchalantly eases my fears. Charlotte, Thea, and Dinah all shake their heads. Arya makes a noncommittal noise, then clarifies,  
"I wasn't sure but it makes sense."  
Shaula's the only one who knew for sure, other than Shan.  
"Honey I know exactly what the fans want. And they all hate you because you're stealing their dream girl. The ones who aren't in love with Cam are shipping you two SO HARD." At the last part Shaula slams her coffee on the table for emphasis and stands up. I'm still kind of shell shocked. No one liked me. Least of all the fans. Why would they want me to date their fave? Arya slaps me on the shoulder and grins.  
"So why aren't you two a thing?" Leia interjects with a grimace.  
"PR would have a fit. Can't have a dream girl who dates girls." That was maybe not exactly why.  
"Actually a bigger issue is that she dates boys. And as far as I know, not girls." But Thea already saw the actual answer. She's singing a verse of the song.  
"You looked at me then  
You knew what I saw" it was hushed and quiet. Then the realization of what Thea was singing washed over all of us.  
"With one lonely word  
You broke me in two" Thea sang. Then she paused and looked pointedly at me.  
"Never" I sang weakly. And I remembered that morning all over again.  
"Never again  
Would we write like one" Charlotte added in to the growing chorus.  
"Never again  
Would we share coffee mugs" Thea and Charlotte smiled as I quietly joined  
"Never again  
would I lend you my pen" Dinah was in now. It was almost like how we sounded as a band.  
"Never again  
Would you smile for me" Leia finished with us, singing Cam's part strong. And then, almost in unison, Arya, Leia, and Riki answered the question correctly.  
"That's why." I just nodded.  
"Oh honey I'm so sorry." Riki looked physically pained, and I realized she was probably the only person here who might understand what it was like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the Killers Song of the same name. 
> 
> After all the songs are written and revised they will be posted as lyrics in a separate post. 
> 
> Once I have several songs I may start a playlist on 8tracks.


	2. Save My Soul Just One More Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Supplemental Letter from Shan Zibane

_When we started writing for the Yet Unnamed Album, Cam asked everyone to write one song. I told her I couldn't, and she said "write about your strongest memory._ _"_

_My strongest memory is from an unusually humid October night in 2013._

 

"Shan why wouldn't you tell me THIS?" I felt Sam sit down on the edge of my bed carefully. She sounded equal parts hurt and confused, and I felt bad for causing it.

"I just. I don't know. I didn't think you'd react how you did. I was expecting something.... Worse." I buried my face further into the pillow.

"Shan, I will be here for you," she paused and pulled a pink fluffy blanket from the foot of the bed up around my shoulders.

"No matter what. I will always love you. You know that right?" I was crying then, in a torrential downpour that I'd lost control of.

"I didn't believe anyone would love me if they knew." Then Sam was crying too, and I felt bad again for making her cry, making her worry, making her drive to my house at two am, making her put all of her problems aside to try to pick up my mess. Sam hugged me and I thought I heard her whisper "you don't even know" but I don't remember. I remember waking up the next morning with my pillow still damp, I remember Sam looking exhausted as she slept in the armchair in the corner of the room. And I remember trying to make waffles because she loved waffles and hated pancakes, but burning every single one and waking her up with the smoke alarm. I remember saying goodbye that afternoon and not remembering for a few hours why she'd come to my house in the first place, or when.

 

When Kau titled the Album "Captains" and wrote it on the first demo CD, five songs short of completion, with her big messy handwriting, the name felt like home. Sam was my Captain. And when the ship was sinking she stayed fast with it, and steered me to safety. People tell me a lot how brave I am, how courageous it is to live such a high profile life given, well, given everything. Really though it's Sam who's brave. I didn't choose this, but Sam did choose to stay with me through all this, through everything, regardless. Sam chose to be my Captain, and I'll always love her.

_-Shan Zibane_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a lyric from "Come On, Come One" by Deano Jones and the Sweet Death Symphony (it's from the Rise of the Cafe Racer soundtrack and you should look into it)


End file.
